lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
