please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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