just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
