I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
