Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
