Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
