I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
