took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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