I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
