there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
