the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
