my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
