By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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