I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
