when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
