Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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