blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
