I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
