but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wish you could order shots online.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
