PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
