I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
