"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
