The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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