I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
