i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
