Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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