After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
