So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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