Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
