Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
