If i come over, it means nothing
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
