you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
