What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
