I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
