when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
