We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
