Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize