My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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