I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
