It's Friday. Sex?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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