God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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