I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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