i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think people are normalizing furries
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
