Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
