I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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