Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
