gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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