Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
