What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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