How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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