ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
