Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
