i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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