Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
