3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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