you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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