"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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