all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize