chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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