i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize