my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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