I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
