wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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