i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
