first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
