if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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