Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
