My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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