There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
