Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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