he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
