I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
worst night to have a conscience
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
