please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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