Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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