i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize