nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
