hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
