hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
