Your face is a jimmy john
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
