apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize