I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
