there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
