OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
