next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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