and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
