I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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