He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
