Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
