last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
