Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
