i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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