They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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