If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
