I think my vagina is haunted
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
