I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
