wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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