My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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