I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
