I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
