So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
