I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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