I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
