You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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