dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
