these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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