Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
