TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
