I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
