So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
