"it" just moved
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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