I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
